Praying 4 a New Slate

Things have not been bad lately but they have not been good either. I feel that I am slowly losing all self motivation.. I only do what I HAVE to do only WHEN I have to.. Which means alot of things are not being done that NEED to be done. This is not usually in my character, and it scares me. I talked to one of my employees about this and her answer was that I am TIRED of being responsible because I have had to be so long and before my time. This may hold truth but I have no time to be TIRED I have stuff to do! I have a son and I have goals that need to be met.. So the answer is simple some may think. Get up off my bum and do it huh? Well I wish it was as easy as it sounds... I really think that there may be something wrong. Or may have been something wrong. Maybe realizing it is the beginning of me getting back on track.Lord I sure hope so.. Work is a DRAG, I was getting at least 75 hours every 2 weeks I may get 45 now. So that is a strain. Isaiah is away @ my Mom's every night due to the "summer arrangement" we have. The one that helps her and me. Ever since my Mom's divorce I try to be there as much as possible for her and my siblings. Tiring at times but they are all I have. I also feel like I am missing out on being young. I don't go out and party or even hang out.. Sometimes I think that this is a good thing because of all the trouble alot of ppl my age get into being "young" I don't know if anybody is reading this please pray for me. Pray that I find the way.

[[LAzY GiRL]]

So I worked 13 hours yesterday and as a result I did not wake up till NooN today! 5 hours overtime! Whoo hoo! Now if I could just do that once a week! Man I tell you I would feel as if I were rolling in it! Well today has brought a sense of calm over me. And to be quite honest I can tell you why. All of a sudden I love my life. I love everything about life in general! Lifes lessons the whole kit and kaboodle. I just spoke to my father on the phone a lil while ago and I tell you it was really nice hearing from him. Seems to me as if he has gotten his life together and I am very pleased with this. && my birth father whom I love very dearly but do not know as well as i would like called and left me a vm asking me to lunch tommrow. I am a little bummed that I will not be able to join him b/c I will b at work. U would think that this is y I feel so liberated.. hearing from those two but to be honest I felt good before this. Maybe I got enought rest today,perhaps? I feel that God is working on me and those around him. >>>>> Isaiah's barber whom he has been going to since his first haircut passed over the wkend.. My uncle passed.. and about a month ago my little brother's best friend passed. I know that death happens everyday but it has seldom happened to those around me... I know that this is a blessing and I greatly appreciate it. The thing that gets me is that one was a 6 yr old, drowned.. Our barber 30 something also drowned.. U seldom expect the death of the young. Rest in Peace Jack, Bryce, and Uncle..

As of now...

Thought I might jot something down right quick before I go an pick Isaiah up from school.

Memorial Day was fun... Went to my Aun/t house... Laughted so much I got a stomach ache and

I spit my soda out all on my auntie's couch.. Damn shame... but all in all it was a really good time.

I love those girls! Dejaun went with us double (+). We came home and he cooked, watched the

game and visited his friend Jason's house. I passed out on the couch.. O and not to mention I

worked that morning and they let me off 2 hours early! So I had a Fantabolous Memorial Day!

Still Up

Well normally I am in bed.. I am VERY tired but have not yet drifted off to sleep. I still have not

seen dEjUaN... n i don't like it... Work was a lil chaotic today... did some light shopping

today then went to Rachel's bday Din Din it was nice VERY pretty place, hv to mk sure I tell the

h0n3y about it.... Isaiah's "school" situation is driving me nuts-zo... Too tired to go into depth will

be sure to on my nxt post 2mmra.. Hoping sleep falls on me soon, very soon.

@ my Aunt's for the night

So I have always been pretty aware of me being a spoiled brat...(ii go n get it myself if no one

else does). I grew up spoiled and now I spoil myself... This evening i WANTED some fried

CATFISH. I drove for 45 min to different catfish spots around Dallas and they were ALL closed

(5 diff places to b exact)... Did not get any fish and was darn near on the verge of having a bitch

fit... Now that I think about it this is kinda funny. Wow my boyfriend must REALLY love me to

put up with this... But honestly I think he thinks it is cute, being able to deliver when no one else

can. I {**heart**} him so much... I have not laid eyes on him the ENTIRE wkend! Cannot wait till I

do... Well Isaiah WAS sleep but now he is up and singing a series of songs... CATNAPS are no no

no good. This lil boy may be up till 4am.

The WEEKEND baby

So my wkend was a BLAST. Friday night I went out for drinks with my Best bud

Dion... Got all dressed up [the whole 9] We had fun we always do. Then

Saturday morn I had to go to work got off at 3:30 and it was raining really really

bad. I had to get out in it anyway because I was hosting a surprise Bday party for

a close co worker of mine. She has NEVER had a birthday party because she grew

up in foster care and what not... I heard this and HAD to do something about it...

It was cute we did a "kid" theme and everything. Came home grabbed Isaiah the

KING and went to sleep. Woke up around 10:30 this morning which is really

saying something cause I NEVER sleep past 8 nowadays. Ate a lil something

watched my FAVORITE moving [Why Do Fools Fall In Love] and put Isaiah

down for a nap and I am about to climb right behind him.... I can feel myself

slipping into a bout of depression... over simple girly stuff... [wnt longer hair,

want to lose 30 pounds etc] But if anyone is reading this pray for me... Cause

when I get in those moods.. Boy do I get //consumed// by those moods. Which

is not CUTE. Well off to my nap..

Oops my bad.

So I kinda said in my first post waaay back in October of 08 that I would keep up with this.. Yeah

so I have kind of sucked at doing so... But not to dwell on that.. I will do {better} .

Updates::

I am still a tech.. still living in the same spot.. Isaiah is 3 now and he and his father are STILL together!

**Everything is Everything** I take each day a day at a time. I have had quite a few rough

patches since the last post.. bouts of depression... wanting to give up, but the devil is {nothing}

but a liar.

I gave ALL my worries and doubts to HIM. Only trouble that I am having is completely letting

go... its a work in progress, but there is {progress} . This whole recession thing is scary to say the

least. I am currently cut down to 20 hours a week when I usually work 35+..I STILL have a

mortgage and a child to feed and not to mention OTHER bills to maintain but like i said I am

getting by. I am in a happy place in my life and refuse things to stress or get me down.Stepping

out of the way and ready to receive my blessing(s).